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Priorities vs Aspirations

It’s no secret that my kids, although grown up, take up a lot of my time. Each one is at different stages in their lives, and well, I’m pretty redundant. I’m not “mummy” anymore. That came to a grinding halt when they were old enough to walk to school with their buddies, leaving me with a new found freedom. I decided to embark on my lifetime aspiration of becoming a full time writer. I’ve always written (much of my work is unpublished or has been recycled into eco friendly loo roll…that’s not to say it was only worthy of said job, but much of it, along with my huge collection of DC Comics was inadvertently turned to pulp after a leaking roof.)

Where was I? Ah yes. Kids. Aspirations. You see, I knew what I signed up for when I saw the two lines in the pregnancy test.Three times. I went for a hat trick. Call me Ronaldo. How do you do?

I enjoy being a mum. My little cherubs have grown into strong willed, funny and empathetic young adults. I’ve loved it. They were my little sidekicks. Now, they look forward to hanging out with me and so do their friends. Not too much mind you, because that’s just a tad weird, even for my atypical set up.

So, what’s my issue? It’s this; I have goals. Aside from my regular writing work, I’ve written a book (as yet to be published) which was one of my intentions and currently working on book No 2. I see posts on my social media feed how someone has written 2000+ words in one day. I’m in awe yet feel inadequate. I should be living out my fantasy of sitting from morning until night, surviving on coffee and chocolate, typing away and completing a novel in two months, with another on the way. That’s not my reality however. Mine is when my son walks in (actually he skulks) through the door and tells me how he had a debate with his English teacher during a discussion about Boo Radley. He had to give his opinions on the enigmatic character. My boy is of the opinion that Boo Radley had hygiene issues. Then there’re my daughters. My eldest has adult problems that she needs to discuss with mum. Woman to woman. My second daughter is approaching that stage, so she also needs mum. In between all of this I have to be a mediator during fights, be their negotiator for detentions and issues in and out of school.

Regardless of my own personal goals being relegated to the snail lane, I’m slowly but surely getting there. I am honoured and glad that my not so little kids still reach out to me. I am their mum after all. These are moments they will remember and hopefully bode them well in the future. Someone said I make sacrifices. Nope. I don’t. I’m still living my dreams out, but at a different pace to others. I won’t get this time back with them. My stories are my own so they can take their time getting out there.

For all the chaos in my life, when those three teens announce their love and respect for their “crazy, unconventional mum”, everything pales into insignificance.

Take care, Eva x

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