Month: April 2021

As a writer, I am what is known as a panster. I have an idea and begin to pour what’s in my head onto paper. Actually, I lie, I pour my thoughts through to the keyboard. As with everything in my life, I have a general idea of which way I’m going and let it take me to where I’m meant to be. I work it out as I go along. I’m good at going with the proverbial flow, rather than plot and plan. I’m terrible at planning. In fact it always goes to pot when I try to be organised. So, to avoid disappointment, I fly by the seat of my skinny jeans. It works, for me anyway.

My eldest sought some motherly advice from me when she was struggling with life decisions 15 year olds are expected to make as they prepare to sit their GCSEs (show me a 15 year old who knows what they really want at that age, and I’ll show you a man who knows what women’s monthlies feel like!). Aaaanyway, as I was saying, my daughter wasn’t certain which route she should take. I told her that in life, we will always be faced with decisions to make and situations that we have no control over. What will be will be.

‘Go with your gut, and if that feeling takes you to a completely new direction, then so be it. There are times where we are determined to take a certain route, because in our minds, that’s where we should be going. BUT (and it is a big but) we then find ourselves living life as though we are pushing treacle up a hill. Life is like SatNav. You take the wrong turn, and it’ll reroute us to our correct destination. This is life. Take the turning and see how it pans out. Trust in your instincts and your passion. You will be happy when you reach that personal nirvana.’ It was a long and deep speech, granted, but she took it on board. Towards the end of her A’ Levels she rang me from college and started the conversation with; ‘Mum, remember what you told me a couple of years ago?….’

Here we go. I knew what was coming. She was now adamant that her life wasn’t in politics and Economics. It was in cooking. So, I smiled down the phone and told her that I trusted in her thoughts. Many people thought I was a crazy/slack mum for not following the conventional parenting route (nothing new there), but I know my daughter better than any nay sayer. Three years on, she’s flying up the culinary ladder and (I won’t name drop) she’s worked at one of the best hotels in the world, under the wing of a famous chef. She’s being sought out by big names in the chef world. She’s not yet 21. My daughter is the equivalent of a panster. Her entire mindset is a reflection of her laissez-faire attitude.

So, in a nutshell, we may not know where the road is taking us when we make snap decisions borne from our gut, but go with it. If it scares yet excites you at the same time, then do it. It’s better to test the water than to walk on by. Life’s too short for ‘I wish I…’

Take care, Eva x

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I’ve had a few thoughts lately, which a very dear friend of mine echoed in a recent conversation- the contentious issue of large age gaps.

It’s a topic that even in the twenty-first century, is still greeted with disapproval (silent or vocalised) and none more so than when a woman has a relationship with a much younger guy. It seems that women are given a hard time in whatever choices they make when it comes to sex and partners…

A guy who sleeps with lots of women, is a stud, a player. Yet these labels are an accolade to his prowess. A woman, confident in her own skin and sexuality is looked upon as a slut, who must have insecurity issues and a need for attention. Umm nope. Sorry, all’s well in her life. She’s just red-blooded and has needs which silicone toys just can’t fulfil. The precept is as old as time and it clings onto its threadbare perceptions like an indelible stain.

Then we have the issue of an old man having relationships with much younger women. Again, he’s congratulated for still having enough ‘lead in his pencil’ to maintain a healthy sex life (although I’m sure Viagra helps) and it’s deemed as acceptable. Obviously, circumstances vary across the board. Some old men need to feel they ‘still have it’ and find young women whose motives are for financial security. These older men don’t recognise the implications or prefer to shy away from them. Conversely you have younger girls with older (but still young) men and society question his intentions and whether they are predatory or genuine. Then there’s the recently divorced Middle Agers who meet girls a lot younger than them as a confidence booster. There’s a plethora of examples!

Now we have the ladies. They’re deemed as cougars, mother replacements or old and lonely. If a woman meets and forms a relationship with a guy twenty or thirty years younger than her, it can be greeted with derogatory opinions. The woman may be attractive or in good shape ‘for her age’ but she will carry doubts on her appearance and ageing body, along with all the delightful facets a maturing woman has been generously gifted by Mother Nature, at the best of times. However, when critics express their thoughts or worse, remain in disapproving silence, they often don’t realise the affect it has on her. Take the French President’s older wife. He was a 15 year old school boy and she a 40 year old married woman when they met (although they didn’t become a couple officially until he was 18). The ex-teacher takes a lot of stick for being the epitome of a cougar yet the male rock stars of late, are seen as ‘dudes’. Life heh?

I have people within my circle who have relationships with people a lot younger than them. One couple are childless and enjoying the ride. I wish them the best. It works stupendously well for them both.

The other is a ‘mature’ man with two adult kids, his partner is ten years younger than his eldest, has several grandchildren and now a small child with said young woman. Horses for courses.

All in all, we don’t know how long we have on this Earth, so, like those dud mechanical grabbing machines you find in arcades, snatch up any chances of happiness that comes your way.

Take care, Eva x

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…and the focus was all about the boobies. Now it’s all about the booties (and I’m not talking baby shoes).

We’ve always had the need for never looking our age. It’s a perpetual cycle of wanting to look desirable and accepted in the modern world. However, there’s no such thing as anti-aging or perfect. We age, it’s life. We’re given the chance to get older. Some aren’t blessed with that privilege. No cream or tangible product contains the elixir of reversing the process of getting older or turn you into something you’re not (even plastic surgery needs to be maintained).

Many moons ago, in the 90s, no self respecting woman’s drawers (excuse the pun!) were without a Wonderbra. That bad boy could truss your chest into the hemisphere. Breasts were heaving. You could adapt them to whichever level you desired at the tug of a toggle and even fill the gaps with a couple of dubious looking pads. I had a friend with whom I was on the bus one night, armed with a takeaway (clubbing was hungry work) and the innocuous looking pad had fallen. “Erm excuse me, I think you’ve dropped a prawn cracker,” came a tentative voice from behind.

We both looked down, to find the padding had fallen out of her bra. That was the last time she wore them without securing said bra properly.

Fast forward to current times and it’s now about the bum. Have a flat, out of shape or small tushy? No problem. Ladies, we now have magic leggings. Yep. Bum shaping and lifting is no longer reserved to nude coloured, pull everything in and push up, Spandex, under your clothes. No, under is now over. These creations will give you a butt as round and hard as a ball of Edam cheese. Heck, you even get the cheese wire thrown in for good measure to separate your cheeks. Ok, maybe you don’t exactly get given wire to enhance the derrière, but it looks like it.

Many young girls and mature women are vying for this ‘new look’. Whether they admit it or not, they want to resemble the perfectly sculpted bodies that we are exposed to on a daily basis. I’ve had times of insecurity and looked at myself negatively, but as a mother to two daughters, it’s my responsibility to show them it’s ok to be and look like themselves. Photo filters, Botox, lip fillers, false eyelashes, body crushing corset style waist cinchers, bum lifting leggings- the list is endless. None of it is real and I have spent a lot of time convincing them (and myself) that they don’t need to fall into the trap. I want my girls to believe in themselves and not feel they need to look a certain way to fit in. Stay healthy and look after yourselves and your skin, has always been my advice to them. It’s been passed down through four generations of women in my family.

Like yourself, and your confidence will shine through. In a relentlessly trending society, stay classy.

Take care, Eva x

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