I’ve often mused over what makes a man a dad, a mentor to a child as opposed to just being a ‘sperm donor’? Is there a fine line- something as simple as being just black and white, or is it more complicated than that?
There are men who class themselves as dads, but are rarely on the scene (if at all), those who’d love to be part of their child/ren’s life but the mother discourages it, men who inadvertently adopt the role as guardian and father to a child that isn’t their own and the single dads and mums who take on both roles and provide the love, support and example of tenacity for their children.
Being a parent isn’t easy, not by a long chalk, but when your charges are grown and become the young adults you hoped they’d be, this is the most rewarding outcome you could hope for. For most, it’s a bigger accomplishment than the ‘fantastic contract’ you landed or the promotion you finally got. It’s a priceless feeling.
As many wonderful father/child bonds there are out there, there’re also the toxic relationships between father and child…but is this usually a result of the father’s own issues and disappointments, which they themselves grew up in? I believe that the behavioural pattern in human nature is a perpetual cycle. History repeats itself over and over, and we resign ourselves to it being the way it is.
It normally takes another generation, that one child who sees how dysfunctional it is to live this life, and he or she dares to break the mould…thus being accused of being a renegade, a loose cannon. That child has bravely stepped away from the situation and goes on to become a parent or mentor themselves, with fresh eyes and a healthier attitude to child rearing. And so a new cycle begins. Of course there will always be scenarios that challenge parents, but the crux of it is, it’ll be a lot better than a toxic and mentally draining childhood/adolescence.
Whatever you’re doing, whatever your situation, may you have a wonderful Father’s Day…and a special thought goes out to the dads who have passed on.
Take care, Eva x